There is that thing: why do so many (mostly male) Western residents of Japan seem to lead a rather excessive life? Lots of women, lots of drinking, lots of rough activities such as knocking each other over, or knocking their own heavy motorcycles over, or driving like hell in fancy cars?
There is that thing: nothing to catch you. No common language with the people around you, no sanctioning of your outrageous behaviour, at least not in a way you would recognize. You feel driven over the edge, towards compensating for unpleasant social drifting by increasingly excessive experience. Sometimes something pulls you back. Mostly a hangover, physical, social or otherwise.
There is that thing: those people who like you. For them, drinking and partying around with you is leisure’n pleasure, something to add to their regular lives. For you, it’s something else.
There is that thing: you try. You fail. You try more. You fail again. Or so you think. After a while you don’t try anymore, and nothing pulls you back. Then you leave. Or you drive.